Sheila Gumamela Pik-ak-boom

If God is dead, what then?

Perhaps, just perhaps, it all started from the act of doubting when maybe, they were in some way enthused and inspired by the great logician, Peter Abelard challenged “The road of wisdom is doubting. For if you doubt, you inquire”—- alike to “1Sapere Aude” of Kant. Whilst I individually assert that to be inquisitive is necessary that we should never fear to question, as such, never question to fear. Be curious and sceptic but not judgemental and cynical.

What can you find in this surrounding is doubtful and always in the state of flux. “Doubt everything your senses reveal to you. Everything is doubtful”. Our senses vary from one person to another and the object of sensed are subject to change—- all things are susceptible, subject to inaccuracy. Reality is nothing but an illusion, nothing else. Reality not just disappoints us but often deceives us. People were disappointed and thought they were deceived by things behind and beyond the authenticity of an-other-hidden Being.

The death of God has already been proclaimed several centuries ago. The beginning of the 19th century, the academy of atheism was actually on the programme. The epoch of religion where it becomes irrelevant and “unworthy of belief”, maybe the reason, many of us no longer sense that we’re surrounded by the unseen2. The culture of science teaches us to focus our attention of the physical and material world in front of us. However, the sense of the ‘numinous’ is so basic to religion. More, the soaring – innovative technology and sciences were founding an archetypal ghost of unbreakable control, an autonomy and dependent less so; the independence of God was the effect. Philosophers, metaphysician, scientist and other forged philosophies and scientific interpretations of reality which later, upshot to no place for God. He has already become unfathomable to a growing quantity of individuals of the modern era, and has become less straightforward importance—-outmoded.

To raise a question; If God is dead, so what? Really, what can you create if there’s God forever? The demise God’s baffling authority is cultural phenomenon brought about by man’s rising sense of dominion and independence. Saying, if everything is predetermined by God’s will, what’s human freedom anyway? So, the necessity of assassinating God is not fallacious but well-founded?

It’s not until college when I startlingly feel the same way towards becoming a sceptic. Having comrades, discreet or not, doing blasphemy. A more-or-less 3 hour’s session of transitory deficiency of the presence of the other- Higher teacher once a week of over eight spontaneous semesters during my tenure in college, listening to a former students of the academy of God, former almost-priests and a former believer of Catholicism. The phase of my life I temporarily, very fleeting, hampered my unhinged and shakeable, fragile and unpredictable foundation of my acquaintance to God. The phase of my life I felt my faith in God quietly glide away. I wrestled and even punch him to death yet I was knocked- out.

Being brought up by a classic religious parents, more than ever my much-loved mother suffice to say that it persists me to be one of the children you could see in the facade of the sacrosanct altar serving reverend priest and more importantly our primordial father, a voice you’ll pay attention in the singing group of a catholic church and opted to study in private-catholic school here in our region. I could still retain such information those blissful, holy, and occasionally tongue-tied moments. Such moment in my life occurred that certainly I won’t forget something to put in a treasure chest.

I had hundred of numbers about the story of religious belief but less-strong faith in God. If truth be told hell has stronger impact than God alone to me. I thought I exerted enough effort to be the religious person I can. I attended masses regularly, novena, first Friday of the month, especially occasion etc. Every month of October, the so-called block rosary month, we utter that prayer repeatedly every night of that month. We practices Catholicism principle etc. Thus, my childhood was touched by religion and not by God. When we’re child we just accept whatever they teach, since your parents forced you to attend the mass and if you failed to comply, punishments awaits. As a child, you’ll obey. And as the human mind progresses one abandon childish fairytale and illusions and soon independency because you’re planning to build your own, starts of relying what is ‘factual’.

Joining the choir was not mandatory, it seems however that it was, all my closest friends were there and I don’t want to be eccentric. To be an altar girl wasn’t my choice also. I was seemingly forced by my mom. Spending most of my days at catholic school was just staying outside the vicinity of our house. However, it was my preference to study there because I don’t want to study at my mom’s school. Meaning, whatever my religious life was, was all mendaciousness and infidelity to supernatural being.

The world is a pitiless and triangular battlefield. Our life is an everyday struggle to continue the unfinished struggle. The world has hierarchy, existed from the time immemorial. Since, the world has only three sides and has layers you wanted nothing but to be on top. Believing it is ethical somehow, it is good. Because to be brave is good.

Gazing back in my childhood experiences, I just decided to attach the poem, if it would like a poem, I composed few years ago.

SOUGHT REVERIE I was brought up in a religious family Praying at night listening to homily At first I’m quite fascinated with those things When a thought arrived that almost changed my being.   I was fifteen when I decided to enter the convent Initially I’m rest assured that this was my heart meant With hope and full enthusiasm my spirit is packed But something is telling me to look back   All things were beyond to what I’ve expected Sleepless nights and disturbance was not intended The adjustment I’ve encountered weren’t that easy After all I realize that this is not for me.

Maybe, I am up to something. Maybe, I am to somewhere. Maybe I am for someone. Maybe I am not what I am. Maybe I am in other’s reverie. Maybe I am on my way to thee.

I don’t know, I really don’t. Maybe, the reason why God doesn’t seem (so) real to them is because they haven’t got enough faith. They see the need not to give God a life for they believe God must not have life anymore. They killed their God so early. Maybe, a Latin American Theologian, Luis Segundo was right when he concluded in his book Our Idea of God as I quote “ Our notion of God must never ceases to travels which the road from atheism to faith. Because a person cannot say that he has found God if he stops searching for him, he can only have found a caricature of God.” Maybe, what they found is a mere replica of God or worst a bogus silhouette of him.

In my own not-so long expenditure in knowing God, I believe that one cannot know God in a snap, abruptly. One rather needs immense effort, open heart and mind, acceptance and love to know, believe and be a good follower of him. “The best things are never arrived in haste. God is no hurry. His plans are never rushed.” In fact, God’s peace is perfect, so perfect.

While, the existence and authenticity of God is always been a frenzied problem to many. We must accept that it can never be resolve with finality. As long as, there’s no hard-tangible evidence that will warrants his existence. God, will always be, as what it always been be a wanderer in the realm of the cavern of kingdom of fairytales and mystery of faith. Which is good? For, the more you give him an image and features the more he loses his self to other’s belief.

Still, God doesn’t merely exist. He lives. Somehow, he makes himself hidden or we make him hidden. He is silent if man will just shut up. “If God doesn’t exist it would be necessary to invent him” for man will always live in the veil of tears. In times of burdens and sadness that’s when people need to shut up. Not-so-good so-called natural phenomena and other crises are the infallible signs of the presence of God. That is, in the case of human, ‘suffering and pain become the motivating force to know God’ and make him known. We need him always but we want him just some times.

To me, he’s still a ghost. A ghost that never fails to reminds me that I must love my neighbour. That whoever’s hungry I must feed him. I must give someone a drink whenever he’s thirsty. To be hospitable, accept even a complete stranger, he needs help too. And put dress to unclothed body. And that’s when a ghost will be an angel to me. And we all need an angel. And just like the knowledge we have to angels, He is staring at every moment and counting on us. An angel who loves us, he loves us with an everlasting love. A provider angel who’ll meet all our needs, who can do more than we could possibly imagine. An angel who’ll comfort us whenever we’re in trouble. Closer when we’re broken hearted, an angel who won’t stop doing good to us. Who’ll wipe the entire tear from our eyes, who’ll take away the pain we’ve suffered on this earth. An angel who gave up everything he loved so that he could/might gain our love. An angel, father and a ghost.

To be a Christ-like is to choose my neighbour. It a serious commitment to people especially to those who are oppressed, exploited and marginalized. To make an option for the poor is to make an option for Jesus. For Jesus devoted all his lifetime and all his matchless ability and energies to the suffering poor. “I tell you whenever you refused to help one of these least important ones, you refused to help me” (Matthew 25:45) To love and help others. For the message of Christ has “love as the principal virtue, motivation and constituent of goodness. The love has to be operative, effective and creative. Love bridges the gaps, tends to unite, to build solidarity and brotherhood. Love shares, is self-sacrificial and other-centred. In this sense, love is radical; it does not compromise with injustice, corruption, waste and unconcern for others. It is active, tenacious and even ferocious when loved one is in danger”

To quote John 10:34 “Jesus said, It is written in Law by God that you are God” I am a God. God who possesses braveness and strength. God with weighty ardour and doggedness. God with never-ending dream and struggle, for the alternative social order that is more just, more humane, more compassionate, democratic and free.

It’s hard to be a Christian. Just the thought that you’ll be like Christ is a suffocating challenge. Many people hate Christianity because they recognize it as unlike Christ. I believe, ‘The best way to show Jesus is through you. For the other bible that the other people read is the other-Christ, who lives in us. The fact that Jesus did not come to ask semi divine human beings to do what is unfeasible; he wants us to live with the full implications of our being instead. That is far more demanding. He wants us to do what is probable. He did not expect us to behave as what he did but as we ought to. And we ought to care for others, his children and our neighbours. We ought to love Him first though.

October 22, 2012; TRY

Insisted myself to stay awake (yawning) Despite that it’s already morning Just have to write and tell my story About my day, feelings, behavior; uncanny and snuggery.

Started my day as early as 6am Went to San Andres to accomplish my aim To attend the Youth Congress ‘till afternoon It’s like watching the sun embracing the moon

It’s a Catholic gathering, majority are youth First ever experienced Latin Mass; it soothed. Also there was an adoration and vocation Amazed by the students who are ready for that mission.

Today is the beautification of San Pedro He really made proud he’s fellow Filipino Second Saint hailed from this mother land Through them Pinoys are bond.

A beautiful nun seated parallel to us Stared, smiled and started to ask Have you confessed already? What a great scenario, so jammy.

A nun holding a rosary in his right hand Foreign, Princess, an Australian Enlightened and stirred by her story Recognized life is still full of mystery.

When in doubt, just take the next small step Just like what she reminds, TRY and someone will help You’ll never know if you don’t try But right now, not ready to say good bye.

July 04, 2012; Couch Potato

Such a mind-numbing day! No place to go Just lying and watching tv it makes me happy though Will have quizzes and cross-examine next Monday Hoping I’ll not screw up instead there’s important to say

The complete day is just wasting of moment in time I should have done my thesis proposal to improve this life of mine This thesis proposal really annoys me Just couple of months and I’ll see See if I’m going to graduate. Yes Or sadly, wait for another year to defend it. Sheez!

Guess what have I done today? Other than watching The Lying Game Eating, lying and folding my clothes Nothing fruitful I must say I hate this. Peace

July 02, 2012 afternoon (Philo of SciTech)

The velvety breeze that freeze up in my face Squashy, harmonious sound of my professor voice Suppose to be a siesta time for everyone Yet here I am sitting in a chair, I prefer in sand

Writing will demystify the boredom that strikes Hoping this habit will soon demise For I don’t believe in the power of writing Nobody will read it, thus I’m just slaying

Urgh! The discussion is getting hotter So sad if I don’t give an appealing answer Better read my notes and listen attentively Before my vivacious classmates would laugh at me

I went downstairs to buy some candies I just can’t resist the feeling of drowsy I might fall asleep in this sombre class That would be awful; will do some task

I could clearly hear the activists clamour And the students story beyond the door This area surrounds by ear-splitting creatures Adding together the heat of students gesture

Just 10 minutes away we will be dismiss And we will give each other a nippy cheek kiss Wanna go home and check my abhor notes For tomorrow we will meet the prof; it doesn’t soothes

God help me to surmount complexities in life Open our heart to the bravura notion of love not strife I want also to give you humble thanks Thanks for being here! For love, blessings and undying understanding. Thanks!

TODAY I BELIEVE…

This day could be one of the ‘boom’ of my existence. In times when it is easier to write about doom and gloom rather than hope and promise. This note may be just another rubbish story I will keep or if have guts will post this in my blog. This note is nothing but an indication and could be a buzzer to my reader, if I have, that says—-seize life. To rather love what we have if we can’t have what we love. Today I believe that the crack of doom is approaching and it is coming faster than what I’ve been anticipating. All those movies and documentations I’d watch during Christmas vacation is about destruction and continuous massive destruction that will indisputably lead to finale, finale of the subsistence of our mother nature and land. A finale that tells the story and history of mankind is about to close down. Whenever I turned the channel to history HD, NatGeo as well as Discovery channel I don’t know, but the episode is always ‘countdown to apocalypse’ and some sort of it. Waah! Are we getting too close to the end? Good thing, there were people warned us to the possible possibility of the humanity’s behavior, his insatiability mindset and lousy dreams. Man’s inhumanity to man and to terra incognita. Man’s undying everyday endeavor to achieve the full implications of his being without having any second thought to slay and destroy other and the Other, sentiments, principles and even dreams. There were people, individuals and groups of scientists, environmentalists, apocalyptic people the so-called prophets and there were also average fortune teller that is just making fun of the extinction, and also including religion that talked about it couple of decades ago. Doubtless, Arnold Toynbee is right when he said “The greatest danger to man is man himself” The Maya Calendar that was affirmed by the movie 2012, the Earth Crust Displacement Theory by 1950’s scientist supported by a magnanimous and genius man, Mr. Albert Einstein, devastating chaotic typhoons, landslides and all the other not-so-good natural phenomenon, Notre Damus ‘prophetic books’, and a lot more “signs”. Enormous bloodcurdling and admonition of information was divulged and spread so, at least, there is no way for us to say that we don’t have time to prepare and pray. I’m just anxious what if those are nothing but ‘false alarm’ just to frighten us? Well, I frankly believe no. It’s just; reality in life not just deceives me but mostly disappoints me. I never failed to remind myself that there will always be a ‘noble lie’ behind and beyond truths and information. Truth and information habitually the prerogative of the elites, selected few. Whilst there is no way for me to test the validity and falsifiability of such theory and vision but luckily there are many ways lie ahead for me to prepare and to change coz’ I believe I really need it. Still, we have to enjoy the world while we’re busy trying to save it, the minute remaining natural treasures it has. To hope and pray that it is not just you who can recognize and believe in it. They argue that nobody knows when the end of the world is only the omnipotent Being, unheard and unseen. They rather remind us to stand firm and be faithful till the end, hold on to his promise and love. Be ready, repent and believe. I am a believer but commn’ people just because they can’t tell exactly when is the Armageddon we will just sit down and do nothing. We can do some things, if not a remedy, at least a preparation, just a preparation. Preparation of the potential terminal end of this broken-disturbed-land. We can, we must and we ought to prepare. To welcome the rising of the Cape of Good Hope and get ready for the ‘Rapture’. Preparation for the eruption is not undemanding, just a thought that the world is in close proximity to extinction makes me feel sick. I still have the life to live, Have I? Plans and dreams to accomplished. Blessings and problems to shared. Love and hope to spread. I also want to pursue my study, get married and have kids one day. Honestly, I’ve been thinking about building or helping a foundation for the downtrodden, support such organizations and movements that advocate helping and nurturing those who are oppressed, exploited and marginalized in this iniquitous and inhumane society of ours. Question is, do I still have time? How many ‘few times’ do I have? Is it still sufficient? Time flies and it’s killing me. Today I believe that the crack of doom is approaching. Today I believe that our country is not okay so is our planet. Today I believe the need to cherish life. Today I believe to speak and write is necessary. Today I believe that anything material can’t give you lasting pleasure and happiness. Today I believe that I should laugh and love substantially and thoughtfully. Today I believe that I may win at everything but I can try. Today I believe that I must take a chance. Today I believe that I shouldn’t let go of my dreams, to follow my dreams because they know the way. Today I believe and learn that I should not take my life so seriously because no one else does, in the end all that truly matter is that I loved, the best is yet to come. Today I believe that everyday is the day of competition and struggle. Today I believe that I must fight, to start believing in myself and what I believe. Today I believe that I must remember the compliments that I receive and forget the insults. Today I believe to let go of my past and learn from it. Today I believe that I may not be able to travel the world plainly and factually but through reading I may. Today I believe that I must read a book. Today I believe that the world is a book, and those who didn’t travel read only one page. Today I believe that I must go at least once a year to a place I’ve never been before. Today I believe that I may do one thing every day that scares me. Today I believe that I shouldn’t die wondering. Today I believe that my family loves me. Today I believe that my friends will leave but not my family and my God. Today I believe that I can still change myself. Today I believe that I’ll finish and defend my thesis even in black-and-white colors. Today I believe that I have God, bigger, bolder and brighter. Today I believe that the second coming is coming more rapidly. So help me to treat you well. Help me to treat your people and my neighbor well. Today I believe that I must speak the truth even my voice shakes. Today I believe that I must be good, act what is good and be good, that is, it’s not good I am it’s how good I want to be. Today I believe that I should not dare to be original aim to be good instead. Today I am good enough. Today doesn’t starts today and it won’t stop today. Today is the starting line and the finish line. Today is getting more and more complex every day. Today is not just today. Today is the preparation and the praxis. Today belongs to us for the making of the today’s preparation. Today belongs to everybody but to nobody. Hitherto, Today is infinite; it is for him, by him and to him. For God is the glory. The alpha and omega of everything comes from some other beginning and ending. We don’t need an ending. We need a beginning. A commencement that should have been started a very long time ago. We’ve been in the state of intense slumber for a very long time. It is a high time to stir our nerves, bloods, brains, hearts and the other five senses. Physically, mentally, psychologically, spiritually and socially aren’t running properly. Feels like all times belong to siesta time while in fact it’s not. We’ve been poisoned ourselves and others. We have to begin as much as possible. Begin extending our arms to everyone. Begin loving our neighbor, it is more blessed to give than to receive. Let’s start within the deepest tiny self we have. We can still contribute for the production of our humanity. True, it’s hard to put forward a unity for everything here is compartmentalize, everything has a rival and alliance but for once let’s try, it’s tough but it’s surely worth trying. Try for the alternative social order that is more just, more compassionate, more caring, more humane, more democratic and free.

PS. For the preparation I am proposing, watch such docus showing about the ‘doomsday’ or you can type at you search engine, maybe google, the phrase ‘how to survive in catastrophe’ or ‘survival kit’ and you can include such ‘symbols’ that your religion is holding and practicing. Yeah, google helps but bear in mind that not all your questions can be answer by Mr. Google. Ask Him sometime. Prayer works and we need it. Just like what my cover photo in facebook saying “If things get complicated, pray” 12/28/2012 9:32:42 PM

CHILDHOOD FOR A CHILD…

While I’m lying in my bed I saw a piece of laminated paper placed just a meter away from my position jumbled in a messy cabinet that can be found couple of untidy teddy bear. That laminated paper is actually an identification card of my youngest sister, her i.d when she was in 2nd grade in elementary. As usual attached in that I.d is her picture, close-up picture. Wearing a white-collar plain shirt and posturing a relaxed look with a creepy smile made me feel realized that she’s no longer a child anymore. At present time, my sister is fourteen years old while that picture was taken probably six years ago. She changed a lot. Not just her physical appearance but as follows her attitude and behavior. She is a bit petit now compare to that picture, the complexion of her skin didn’t change though; she possesses the typical Caucasian color ‘till now. She has the same doll eyes, round as marble, nose that isn’t pointed yet not flat, lips that is satisfactory and hair that is straight, black and shiny. I didn’t compose this junk note just to make fun of her nor to provide the boredom that strikes me. In fact, this is a serious note. More than describing her and an imply description that I am way more appealing that her, kidding aside (can be true anyway). I am having this sense of maybe enjoyment if I’ll be able to discuss what is inside my mind and triumphantly defeat the laziness that I am currently feeling. I couldn’t be happier if I’ll be able to finish this note with a victory telling it with of natural and complete story of me and her. “Your child has only one childhood, make it memorable”. There is no way for me to neither debunk nor snub that passage. My sister had only one childhood, did I make it memorable? That passage however is best apt to all the mother and father, full-time and working moms and dads. But I want to apply that passage to me, on how I grew up with my sister, on how I connected and fitted to her juvenile not-so-fairytale kingdom, on how I played to every childish game with her, tailoring her Barbie dolls and sometimes teaching her the basic fundamental operation, human body and the like using the old green board existed even before she’s born, on how I shouted her every time she’s late in passing the remote, on how I showed my superiority every time I wanted to play our mp4 although it’s her turn, on how I commanded her like a manager every time I am lazy in cleaning the dishes and fixing our bed, on how I freaked out every time she watched thrill or creepy horror movie instead of drama or maybe comedy, and all those classic sisters quarrels we had. And then I begun to pondered, did I give my sister a remarkable past? Remarkable in a sense that it is something to cherish that every time she thinks about it will make her smile. Was I able to create a meaningful experience with her? Experience that is worth telling to. Did I make her childhood memorable? Did we have an amazing yesterday? I rather start of thinking what tomorrow will bring to us. I must admit, I was unable to provide her an adorable childhood, what we had wasn’t an awesome yesterday yet it wasn’t worst. We’re still able to talk about some stuff. The tomorrow that is behind us isn’t anymore comparable to what was in the days gone by. It is way more sober and genuine. She will be forever a child to me. That’s why I can always make her childhood memorable. I might not be able to do it for these past few years but I’ll try. I’ll try to be a better ate to you. Ate that is not nagger just like our mom, I could probably say that I’m not nagger anymore, I guess and I hope. I’ll try to be the ate that you could share your feelings towards our siblings and parents and if you’re comfortable you can include about boys. I am your ate and will always be, forever, although I’m not certain if forever is existing. This note isn’t for you solely. Just few months away we will be having our first ever niece/nephew, another child that awaits a memorable childhood. Experts say that one of the hardest things to do especially in this generation is raising a child. If raising a child is tough how much more in raising that child with a memorable childhood. But remember, we owe it to our parents for making our childhood memorable. Parents are the most responsible in making their children’s childhood memorable. Parents, you’ll not loss any chance in making your children’s childhood memorable. Because, I believe that for you your child will always be a child. A movie we watched wasn’t right when it’s told in prelude “Every child grows up, except one—-Peter Pan”. I could say it’s better that “Every child grows up, except none”. There is none. The connection between the children and the parents will always persist. To my sister, I repeat, you will always be a child to me no matter how many children you’ll have.

12/31/2012 11:54:31 AM